Black Women Must Protect Their Spirit From White Supremacist Society
How society hurts humans in general, and how this marginalized group specifically suffers.
This essay pertains to all humans in general. Replace “black women” with “human being” and the overall concept of society misshaping people’s aspirations holds up. However, what does not translate is the experience of both racism and sexism. Which is why I wanted to talk specifically to black women. And turns out, we’re allowed to do what we want. I finally figured this out when I turned 30 last month (HAHA).
I’m worried about black women.
First off, let’s talk facts. As a black man, no matter how much I listen to, read, or watch material about the mistreatment of black women, I will never fully understand it. I won’t have the knowledge that comes with the experience of those living a different existence than mine.
Sometimes I struggle because of this when it comes to sharing my opinion on topics of great sensitivity. I choose my words carefully, always trying to make sure they understand I’m not trying to minimize their trials, as so many rush to do. I do my best not to speak from a man’s perspective but from a spiritual one. Speaking to them as someone who knows we are in this world, not of it, and the evils of our society gives us false ideas about what will bring us true happiness.
“The most disrespected person in America is the black woman. The most unprotected person in America is the black woman. The most neglected person in America is the black woman.” Malcolm X in 1962
Black women suffer from racism as well as sexism. This double whammy of social issues plays a profound role in the psyche of the black woman. They do not have the white privilege of white women and do not have the male privilege of black men, two other marginalized communities.
In the face of all this, black women throughout American history have been one of the smartest, most capable, most forward-thinking demographics on the planet. Their ability to overcome society’s mistreatment to shine in all avenues of life, whether it be education, business, or social justice/reform, is a testament to their resilience, ingenuity, and strength.
Still, I worry about the black woman. I worry about the black woman on an ultimate level, a spiritual level.
The Root of My Worries
The confusing messages that society puts forth regarding what makes a person worthy of love and respect have not skipped black women. I worry these messages can be even more confusing for black women, due to a society that teaches happiness should be attached to material gain and appearances.
When you live in a society that chafes against your very existence, sending you false messages about what it means to be black and what it means to be a woman, I worry black women will internalize society’s fake ideals of success and think achieving a certain amount of money and representation will bring them the happiness and respect they deserve.
All people must suffer from and struggle with the inane definitions of success society provides. However, marginalized groups find themselves in such a state of oppression, that the motivation to prove people wrong could become more prevalent than what we observe in other groups. Black women can be determined to prove people wrong because of the constant false messages. One says they are not fit for leadership, success, or respect, because of their skin color and their womanhood.
Achieving these societal checkmarks means nothing if they aren’t accompanied by a real understanding of oneself and real confidence. Knowing these arbitrary checkmarks, which are seemingly of the utmost importance within the relative reality of our classist, sexist, and racist society, means little on an ultimate/spiritual level.
Clout Does Not Equal Happiness
Many people achieve riches and fame beyond their wildest dreams and still suffer from depression. They still look in the mirror and feel as if they aren’t worth shit.
I’m not tone-deaf enough to say that if black women were paid their true worth and appropriately respected by society, there wouldn’t be increased levels of happiness within their demographic. That is the most basic level of what they deserve from society. But I am saying the recipe for success that society gives, is no guarantee of happiness.
In a classist, racist, sexist society, no matter what a black woman achieves, she will be looked down on and disrespected by ignorant people. But I see so many black women chasing this classist, racist, sexist society’s definition of success… I can’t help but ask, what do you expect to find on the other side?
Do you think that if you didn’t love and respect yourself before, you’ll develop these traits when you reach these arbitrary checkmarks?
What will you do if it doesn’t work, if these achievements still leave you feeling empty inside? When the expectations you had of receiving love and praise from a society that has never respected you, aren’t fulfilled?
How Society Uses Fear To Destroy Self-Confidence
This society is one that traffics in fear. It teaches people you aren’t good enough, you don’t know enough. Follow the guidelines set before you, because you’ll fail if you try to find your own way in this world. And due to you being black and a woman, we will complicate your journey to follow these guidelines anyway.
This is what we are taught. Women are taught to look this way, speak this way, or else. Society utilizes fear to teach its insidious lessons, causing people to chase after success that looks and feels good… but only temporarily. Then it’s on to something else, some other new achievement that will show people “Look, I’m worthy!”.
But this fear of not receiving outside validation puts us in a box mentally. So many people never sit back and ask themselves, what do I truly want from life? What do I truly want from the people around me?
Issues With Chasing Society’s Definitions of Success
We don’t give ourselves the love and attention we deserve, so we accept it in unhealthy forms, only accepting validation from others. I worry these definitions can have an even more profound effect on black women, if not aware that this society is inherently evil due to its setup and its practices.
A black woman, dedicating their life to the idea of success put forth by white supremacy (a definition that, ironically, also hurts white people), could reach the proverbial mountaintop, only to realize they have reached a summit that doesn’t align with their deepest desires. If they had asked themselves what they truly wanted out of life, rather than chasing society’s fables, they might have chosen another mountain to climb.
In a perfect world, black women would get what they are owed from society. That means extra attention to the unique experience of being a black woman, meaning someone who has to deal with sexism and racism. But when has this world done the right thing? When has our society ever taken responsibility for the evils it’s perpetrated?
A Call For True Self Love
I implore you to redistribute your faith, moving away from placing it in overarching societal values and moving it to yourself. Acknowledge the cards are stacked against you, but know that this doesn’t make you unworthy. Take a chance on yourself.
Believe in yourself, wholeheartedly, knowing you are worthy deep in your spirit, regardless of what this evil world tells you. Take responsibility for working towards choosing happiness as often as possible, defying this society that would have you look down on yourself.
A black woman’s happiness is a revolutionary act of defiance. Showing this world that I will live my best life, I will love what I see in the mirror, I will advocate for myself even if no one else does. Because I am worth it. I am worthy. I have God within me and I see God all around me. I will focus on appreciating the ultimate gifts given to me. This breath, the sun in the sky, the moon shining brightly, the sound of the rain against my window.
Truly love yourself and examine how our classist, racist, sexist society has given you fears you don’t deserve to have. That you don’t deserve to let dictate how you see yourself. You deserve happiness. And you deserve it right now. Not when you get that promotion they didn’t want to give you. Not when you finally get a wedding ring. You deserve happiness at this very moment.
But you have to redefine happiness for yourself. We know there are so many things in this world we cannot change, we can only change our perspective on them.
The Dangers of Revolving Life Around “Proving People Wrong”
Focusing on getting even will inevitably lead you astray. Please focus on getting healthy, getting understanding, getting real self-confidence, and self-love unattached from outside validation.
You don’t want to achieve out of spite. The happiness from checking off a to-do list isn’t sustainable. A chip on your shoulder can propel you along, but it can also weigh you down.
So take that chip, dip it into some fire guacamole, and let what you are suffering lead you to a deeper understanding of yourself and your perspective. Let this self-knowledge nourish you, using your newfound freedom to work towards what you’ve decided you want from life.
The innate desire for success originates from deep within, not from the shallow level of a society that refuses to recognize you, no matter what you do.