Changed My Name and Sh*t

brief explainer of of switching the swag up.

ying yang energy swirling in space

What’s in a name?

Frequently, too much of our energy invested into it… trying to live up to a name, trying to run from a name, trying to create a name so we can feel more in control of our lives… For a lot of us, names are a source of insecurity. I know it has been for me, almost the entirety of my life.

My dad gave me his name, but he did not give me his love. So my relationship with my name has been fraught with intense emotions over the years. It was a source of insecurity because I regarded it from a place of insecurity and ignorance. What is a name, but a collection of letters? And what are letters but symbols? And can symbols mean anything without someone placing importance onto them, investing energy into saying what they mean?

I would come up with different artist names constantly. You could call it a hobby if you were being kind… an obsession if you wanted to be more accurate. Because while I enjoyed it, it was also something I did out of fear. So eager to be defined by these letters, these symbols that mean nothing without energy and feeling behind them. So eager to show others who I was, try to encapsulate the whole of a human being in a few made up symbols… I realize now it was the insecurity born from my troubled childhood, so desperate to run from my old name, a name I thought made a difference and mattered… But it doesn’t. What matters is how I regard the name. What TRULY matters is who I AM.

Names are not important in my book. What matters is who someone is. I realized that all these names I was making up, they meant nothing if I did not hone in on who I was. These names I made up constantly, they represented a desire on multiple levels. Not only to change myself, to run from the past, but also to run towards a future. They represented an aspiration and I hoped they encapsulated who I was and could show others what I was about in a clever way. But now I know that it is truly who I am that matters. I don’t care about what others call me, I care about how others feel in my presence. I care about the energy I exude. I care about the person I am BEING, not the person I am named. If you truly live, others will refer to you however they want to. You don’t have to waste time referring to yourself or proving yourself, only being yourself.

That being said, my new artist name, is a play on my actual name, along with the principles I want to live by. “Ki” means energy, and replacing the “i” with a “1” speaks to the unified source of all energy in the universe, how we are all 1, how everything is 1, and we cannot separate life without realizing there is no separation, lest we fall prey to the evil way of thinking that is dualism and unnecessary competition internally and externally. “B” was used because that is what life is ultimately about, our ability to be. I almost used “D” as a reference to my actual middle name and the manga/anime “One Piece”, where the “Will of D” means a commitment to personal freedom and to die with a smile on one’s face. But “B” encapsulated the idea of who I am and who I want to be better. I want to harmonize with “kuu”, to be within it, not simply to reference it. And “kuu” sounds like “cool”, which is what I want to be as well. Cool under pressure, acting relaxed, unbothered by life because I have fully accepted the reality of each present moment. All my feelings are felt, with a foundation of relaxation because of my absolute trust in the universe. And this brings us to the concept of “kuu”, which is seen in a few different ancient languages and cultures, but I was exposed to it through Japanese Zen Buddhism, where it is akin to the Tao. “Kuu” means space, air, void, the nothing that is everything, the source of all creation. It is the ultimate elimination of the ego, to dance the ultimate dance, to sing the ultimate song, to be a vessel for the universe’s energy without pride, logic, or own ignorance standing in the way. For “K1” to “B” “Kuu”, it means relinquishing all attachments to life unfolding in a particular way. To release all unnecessary tension/stress that stands in the way of living fully in the present moment.

So “K1 B. Kuu” is just a bunch of letters and symbols that mean nothing on paper, but in reference to my life and who I am, and who I am not, it means everything. It encapsulates everything I want to be, everything I want to do, all my aspirations in life. Which is to act natural, to relax and enjoy my one go round on Earth. To experience the ultimate freedom, a complete detachment from concepts, ideas, and expectations that separate me from understanding due to the ignorance of dualism. To relinquish trying to feel, or thinking how to feel, to simply feeling. Also, “bhikku” means “monk” in Sanskrit, and I feel that’s also a beautiful aspiration and reminder in and of itself.

So I hope its not too confusing and I hope you enjoy the art I look forward to releasing into the world and hopefully it inspires you as it has inspired me to better myself and understand deeper!