On That Day 6/2/25
On life, on writing, on art, on peace, on neuroscience, on my mind
Some people live life trying to escape from it. How? And to where? Only to suffering. That is the only possible destination.
To live life trying to escape is to not be alive. It is to be a mirage, to appear real but to not truly exist. How could you exist when you wish not to exist? you wish not to exist, Because you wish to exist differently, . You exist as you are and life exists as it is. Accept this! realize no matter how you exist, you always have a choice. even if it is only choosing awareness of feeling in the present, of breathing in the present. if that seems to be your only choice, then choose it.
I am so blessed to realize choices, to feel choices, to know choices. I lead a charmed life, with food, an abode, fellow seekers, time to study, time to read and write, beautiful nature. The enormity of these blessings is humbling. I played music today. I jammed with a talented musician who had fun. I’ve shared my music with a musician, my art with an artist, my philosophies with a philosopher. I am so grateful for this opportunity to learn and grow. I saw a beautiful sunset and discussed it with someone who also saw a beautiful sunset. Thank god, thank the source.
Why fear? Why rush? Why press? What is the point? Why would it be necessary?
These words i write.,. Utter nonsense if not pregnant with emotion, filled with feeling. Explanations, defenses,,, all poppycock. How I wish everyone would simply see the moon! Feel the moon! Let it disturb the waters of their soul! only to clear it, to remove the filth. To transform it into the lotus it desires to be. No mud… no lotus.
i know words are important. i would have never realized the path without them. But looking back, they feel unnecessary. As if I could have bypassed words, ignored theory. went straight to personal feeling, which is where all words originate. Even words you think are divorced from feeling, are based in feeling. Numbness is a feeling. Using man made logic in pursuit of man made validation comes from feeling.
If disconnected from feeling, you feel this is the right course of action. Whether consciously or unconsciously, you feel it’s best to avoid feelings. If you did not feel this way, you would not act this way.
In many of us, feeling it is best to “avoid” feelings, to suppress them, started in childhood. Protecting ourselves from a society with no time for feelings, we learned to hide them, run from them, become numb to them. That is how we survived.
How much of our innate human sensitivity, our talent, has been snuffed out by society’s ignorance? Without feeling, without awareness of sensations from leaf tip to root end, plants could not survive. Without the animal instinct, picking up vibrations from the earth, the air, the water, the sun, the sound, animals could not survive. So how does this inhuman society limit humanity? What information, what wonder, what harmonies are we missing out on? being taught from birth to disconnect with feelings, rather than to feel deeply. It is the ability to feel yourself, and thus, feel Life, that allows you to live. To make choices with confidence, to direct yourself through this experience of time and space.
Writing used to mean something… used to be something special. Now it's often reduced to a disseminator of useless info. How sad. So unappreciated as an art form, we let AI chats do it for us.
The idiocy of modern society. So obsessed with efficiency they’ve destroyed the meaning of the word. Instead of streamlining their energy usage, they believe it means not using energy at all. What a chasm in understanding.
Because most of us won’t slow down enough, won’t be still enough, to use our body, our breath, to work through feelings and their progeny, thoughts, writing is the premier way to develop ourselves. It does not trump vocal communication or body language, those ancient art forms which predate writing, yet to my knowledge, writing (by hand is my spiritual and intellectual preference) is the only art form completely, and utterly human.
To reduce it from an art form troubles me. it has been so abused, so misused, people misunderstand the depths of the pen and page.
I tell myself I’ll stop writing, that i’ve written enough, only for a wry smile to creep on my face. I simply can’t imagine it.
A couple of weeks ago, someone said that I liked to write. I laughed. i don’t know if I like to write, or if I’m compelled to. Even if I slow down, choose to become still and write with my body, sorting out my internal energy with awareness alone, would I still be pulled back to the page?
The blank page calls me in a way no other canvas has. The relationship sustained me while I was lost. Now it’s my close companion in this beauty of a life. One where i can admit i am lost with absolute joy. And this is why i am found.
Answers abound in the silence that astounds. the tip of my pen seems to drive in, straight to the ground. Of my very being, my very spirit. Was it writing which allowed me to hear it…? Who cares. Today, the ink might as well be my blood itself. it is only me, only my very life force making it to the page.
And it always has been, which is why writing fascinates. Even when writing for others, you write according to your present beliefs, your present feelings. Even a facade, a fallacy concocted for others, cannot help but reveal exactly who you are.
You might protest, say it's all fake, that it's a lie, but the question remains… why are you lying? And why do you lie this way? This reveals the truth of who you are in that moment. No matter what you say, no matter how you defend yourself. If you show up as a different person, why? Is this not who you are, someone who’s decided they have to show up as a different person? This is not a false representation, it is you. The result of your beliefs. To deny this is foolish. (500)
I came across some of my old writing. i said “ because of my inconsistency [writing], i’m having a hard time finding a concrete conclusion.” i had to laugh. What past life is this? When i wrote inconsistently? Now 3 days without writing seems a foreign concept. When did things change for me? How was i judging consistency? Now i’m curious about going through these journals. I wonder when i started dating them. Maybe that's when I started writing…
It’s all in the neck, all in the brain stem. if you can relax the lizard brain, the ancient reaction system that kept us alive throughout history, then the rest of your body has a great chance of becoming aligned and also becoming relaxed, which is key for true balance.
I’ve noticed how deer and turkey, when walking, without the large counter balance that is an elongated tail, poke their neck forward in rhythm with their steps,with their movement. Does human lack of a tail mean we are also meant to follow a similar pattern of using neck movement to create proper balance? Proper walking rhythm, rhythm in all movement?
It fascinates me that the tongue and nose contain tissue only found in the reproductive organs. Maybe at one point our head was literally in our ass haha, but a tight neck, a tight brain stem would literally pull all muscle up and out of their proper position, since everything is connected. The parasympathetic nerves in the brain stem and tailbone are of utmost importance to a human’s overall health and if you can take up positions where these two areas are as relaxed as possible, IT will go a long way towards helping your overall health.
When you are afraid, overthinking, your brain steals energy, diverts blood flow from the rest of your body. Maybe to aid problem solving in the moment, giving you the type of insight you need to survive the moment at hand, but to do so for an extended period of time is no doubt dangerous for the human body, which has a rest mode, an off switch, a parasympathetic NS for a reason and how’s activation should constitute the majority of our life.